I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
and you fell through a lawn chair
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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