Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
