omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
