you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
