So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
