I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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