he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
