Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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