he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
