can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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