so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I looked at my own cervix.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
