i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Randomize
