Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
