wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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