It's like a parade of train wrecks.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
