Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
