well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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