she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
