We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How does it feel to date your dad?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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