O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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