glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm really busy with my period
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