I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Randomize
