Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
