he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
