is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
