It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
And my parents said I crawled through the house
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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