Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
