then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
