Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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