In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
