okay pat passed out under dana's car
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
