Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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