We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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