it wasn't lemon gatorade
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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