Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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