i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
