don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
