my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize