Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
