friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
