so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
