last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
