That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
