How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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