why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
