Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
