you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
