What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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