Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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