omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
