I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
