My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
