Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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