wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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