he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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